Dearest Kim,
You are 100% correct.
Thanksgiving is the most underrated holiday.
Everyone kind of sees it as "that day that you eat a lot of food to sustain yourself for the Black Friday shopping spree."
Epicly, epicly false.
I will also choose not to go into the topic of Black Friday, because that could take approx 10348829 blogs to vent about it.
I mean seriously...last year on LI...a man was STAMPEDED TO DEATH after he was simply trying to open the doors for the ravenous beasts outside.
Bah.
Anyway.
Thanksgiving
You get off work.
You get to sleep.
You get to have a moment in time where you can eat and eat and eat.
And not worry about the calories.
(If you are that person that chooses not to indulge on Thanksgiving because you're worried about the caloric intake, then you can take a long walk off of the shortest pier you can find. You're careful about eating 364 days of the year. Just fucking DO IT. God. One day of insane eating is not going to kill you. Fact. You have more statistical odds of me coming to find you and kill you.)
All in all, it's a spot of time to get some of the best R+R, and while you're at it, have some time to bond with the crazies (aka the family).
My favorite thing about the holiday is spending time with the family, and hearing all sorts of funny stories that my mother shares after having one glass of wine.
Yes I said one.
Her tolerance is not as it used to be - making two for one nights highly dangerous.
Things I learned:
- My father once crashed a wedding in Ireland. He did this NOT to enjoy the free food/booze and pick up women, but because my sister was refusing to sleep. She was 4 years old...motion put her to sleep usually, but even a 1 hour car ride did nothing...and my dad danced with her circa 5 minutes...then she passed out. New usage for crashing? I think so.
- My sister used to eat raw hamburger meat. Kind of like when your mom put out frozen peas/carrots to thaw...and you might have sneaked a couple...yeah. Well she did that too, except with the meat. I am actually quite proud of this, and have made a rational conclusion that I always knew I was right when I said that I had vampire in my blood.
- I used to enjoy running under the table, when I realized I was the perfect height to do so without having to crouch, and kicking relatives' knees. Specifically, I would always choose to kick my poor elderly great-aunt's knees. I don't this anymore, I swear.
Even though at times we get annoyed at them and swear we're not related to them...deep down inside we all know that without family, we are nothing. It's nice to be able to get together and share some love. Some of us may not get to see our families a lot during the year as is.
So take this time to really be thankful for them.
Help your mother with cooking.
Wash some dishes with Dad.
Listen to crazy Uncle Eddie's story, even it is for the 8th time.
And share your own story with Grandpa Frank, even if he can't hear it.
Christmas is more about stress.
Everyone puts too much emphasis on the gift giving and spending frenzy, and not enough on the actual time spent with family and loved ones. With Thanksgiving all you do is EAT, DO NOTHING, and appreciate others.
Thanksgiving > Christmas?
I think so.
Love always,
MaryEllen
And remember this piece of knowledge...
Me: If this is such a family oriented holiday, why do they bother with playing football today?
Mom: Well the men have to have *something* to do while the women cook everything.
Fact.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
OMG STOP IT.
IT'S NOT CHRISTMAS TIME YET. EVERYONE STOP IT. STOPSTOPSTOP.
Christmas music, cards, decorations, shopping, mall santas, wrapping paper, car decorations, lawn ornaments, lights, etc etc etc - references of any kind to Christmas in general..are NOT allowed until the day AFTER Thanksgiving!
Have some respect for one of the most underrated holidays of the year:
Thanksgiving is simply THE BEST.
Let's start with Thanksgiving Eve:
-Short work/school week - you're off duty circa Wednesday afternoon.
-Since you get out of work/school/whatever early - you have so much more time to HANG out and relax and be amazed at the idea that its technically Wednesday, but it feels like a Friday.
-If you are of drinking age, you head out to the local bar with some friends and proceed to bump into anyone and everyone from high school you never thought you'd ever see again in your life. (and you were ok with that). This might sound like a negative, but I find it kind of amusing. In fact the level amusement is directly proportionate to how heavily I drink before getting there..or (if its really bad) while i'm there.
-This can often lead to some of the most random throwback hookups of alllll time. Which, lets be honest - may define awkwardness - but it's hilarious. it really is. especially if you are the innocent bystander observing it all go down.
Thanksgiving Day:
-Good morning! Ok so you get to sleep innnn. That's amazing.
-There's always the Thanksgiving Parade on TV, but hey - if youve seen it once youve seen it all. Balloons of classic cartoon characters, marching bands, macys employees making asses of themselves in weird costumes, oh and that AWFUL lip synching by whatever recording artist is ALL the rage that particular month. (did i mention how AWFUL it is?)
-So i choose sleeping in - you wake up a little hungover, but you will recover quickly once you remember what is awaiting you in your immediate future...
FOOD. SO MUCH FOOD. OMG SO MUCH. and it is all SO DELICIOUS.
-once you get past the awkward kisses and hugs from relatives you can bet you've never seen before or had any clue you were related to, there is no obligation to say another word...simply STUFF your FACE.
-Continue stuffing your face...for several HOURS.
-Then you can lapse into a food coma while watching sweet T-Giving Day Football.
-GO GIANTS.
-ok so maybe some awkward "hows school, hows work, hows life" convos ensue..butttt...
-Everyone usually leaves at a decent hour and then you can totally sit back, VEG, and revel at all the amazing left overs that you get to eat for the next 2 weeks.
-it doesnt end there...its only THURSDAY! you still have the whole weekend to recover from excessive eating/drinking/small-talking/etc.
how absolutely incredible is that?!
see, you can't just overshadow all of that beautiful amazing celebrating of thankfulness and food.
the moral of the story is: CHRISTMAS IS NOT ALLOWED TO EXIST BEFORE THANKSGIVING. EVER. so all the stores, tv commercials, radio stations, holiday advertisements of any kind, and those 2 houses off the garden state parkway with their lights up...
you guys can all just suck it.
love always,
kim
p.s. we won't even touch the black friday subject. will NOT even go there.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Subway Etiquette.
I'd like to teach you all the manners of how to ride the sometimes ruthlessly crowded NYC subways.
This idea came to me because there has been an unusually high amount of obnoxious assholes on the underground as of late.
Maybe it's the holidays?
Is everyone cranky because they have to spend every waking moment cooking, planning, and shopping?
Well, probably, but that still does not give you any right to deflate the happiness of the holiday season by being an jackass.
Life's too short for you to be squashing the good cheer of other individuals, minding their own business, just because you woke up late and missed the $100 off deal on the plasmas at Walmart.
1)Let people OUT before you barge IN.
I feel like this is a pretty standard rule no matter what type of public transportation you use.
(ie: would you enter a cab that pulled over, even when the customer is still inside and isn't finished paying yet?)
It's so funny how often common knowledge is not used.
In all honesty...what does this action get you in the end?
It gets you into an awkward face-to-face shoving match with the person that is trying to get out.
But the key thing here, people, is what it DOESN'T get you: to your destination any faster.
For real.
I would not lie to you.
You're right at the doors - you're not going to miss the train.
The train will travel at the same exact speed as it did BEFORE you got on.
Fact.
Visualize with me:
-The car's doors open.
-You stand to EITHER SIDE of the doors.
-Passengers will either make a move to exit or not.
-Once everyone has stepped out, you may step in.
**Also, important note: "Just because you are large doesn't mean that you can barge. Or are in charge."
2)Give up your seat to those in need.
Pretty simple to understand, folks.
I've seen too many young people with plenty of energy in their still-in-shape legs that remain sitting when either an elderly person or pregnant woman comes on.
Not to be cliche or anything, but when you're a bitch, karma is too.
3)I like to listen to my own music, not yours. Turn it down.
I can't say how irritating it is to have my own ipod at a decent volume and I can't even hear what's playing because the fool next to me has lost either their eardrums or their manners. In most cases, probably both.
Ask yourself this: does it really benefit you or anyone else to listen to something so loud in such a contained space?
Answer: not really.
Coming from someone who is in the music industry and goes to concerts like it's her job (oh, wait...) that's really saying something.
Sure, I enjoy loud music...when the time's right.
If one is at the apartment by themselves having a spontaneous dance party for example; or if one is willingly at a concert, and actually likes what is playing.
I didn't ask for, nor do I want to attend, the "Free Music! Playing from the next big thing, T.R.A. (That Random Asshole), on the 1 train, car 7!" special.
4)Above all - just be polite - and keep to yourself.
I don't know about you, but I would definitely consider the subways towards the very bottom of the list of places for "socializing."
It's the flowing river of humans going to and from places they want to/have to be.
Ipso facto: every person has something they they are going to be doing, something that is occupying their mind.
Don't distrupt their course.
NYC has a lot of good looking people, get used to it.
But it's not a bar. Staring and gawking is not permitted. Unless it is a celebrity (and by celebrity I mean one that has talent, not that jerk from The Real World who has a 6-pack and a penchant for grabbing girls' asses).
Plus. Staring is kind of creepy.
...
If you break any of these rules you are being an asshole, and, in more creative terms, a happiness killer.
You shall have gotten under the skin of a complete stranger and will bug them for the next few minutes of their before-you-the-day-was-perfect mood (and if you pissed off a crazie - watch your back).
...
Stop and think before you do it.
It doesn't benefit you OR others.
So what good is it?
Staring, loud noises, and attitudes make for a lousy commute.
The world has enough issues as is.
I'm not saying that by following these rules you're going to bring world peace.
But.
You can bring peace to someone's world.
And in the spirit of giving thanks, who could turn that down?
...
Love always,
MaryEllen
This idea came to me because there has been an unusually high amount of obnoxious assholes on the underground as of late.
Maybe it's the holidays?
Is everyone cranky because they have to spend every waking moment cooking, planning, and shopping?
Well, probably, but that still does not give you any right to deflate the happiness of the holiday season by being an jackass.
Life's too short for you to be squashing the good cheer of other individuals, minding their own business, just because you woke up late and missed the $100 off deal on the plasmas at Walmart.
1)Let people OUT before you barge IN.
I feel like this is a pretty standard rule no matter what type of public transportation you use.
(ie: would you enter a cab that pulled over, even when the customer is still inside and isn't finished paying yet?)
It's so funny how often common knowledge is not used.
In all honesty...what does this action get you in the end?
It gets you into an awkward face-to-face shoving match with the person that is trying to get out.
But the key thing here, people, is what it DOESN'T get you: to your destination any faster.
For real.
I would not lie to you.
You're right at the doors - you're not going to miss the train.
The train will travel at the same exact speed as it did BEFORE you got on.
Fact.
Visualize with me:
-The car's doors open.
-You stand to EITHER SIDE of the doors.
-Passengers will either make a move to exit or not.
-Once everyone has stepped out, you may step in.
**Also, important note: "Just because you are large doesn't mean that you can barge. Or are in charge."
2)Give up your seat to those in need.
Pretty simple to understand, folks.
I've seen too many young people with plenty of energy in their still-in-shape legs that remain sitting when either an elderly person or pregnant woman comes on.
Not to be cliche or anything, but when you're a bitch, karma is too.
3)I like to listen to my own music, not yours. Turn it down.
I can't say how irritating it is to have my own ipod at a decent volume and I can't even hear what's playing because the fool next to me has lost either their eardrums or their manners. In most cases, probably both.
Ask yourself this: does it really benefit you or anyone else to listen to something so loud in such a contained space?
Answer: not really.
Coming from someone who is in the music industry and goes to concerts like it's her job (oh, wait...) that's really saying something.
Sure, I enjoy loud music...when the time's right.
If one is at the apartment by themselves having a spontaneous dance party for example; or if one is willingly at a concert, and actually likes what is playing.
I didn't ask for, nor do I want to attend, the "Free Music! Playing from the next big thing, T.R.A. (That Random Asshole), on the 1 train, car 7!" special.
4)Above all - just be polite - and keep to yourself.
I don't know about you, but I would definitely consider the subways towards the very bottom of the list of places for "socializing."
It's the flowing river of humans going to and from places they want to/have to be.
Ipso facto: every person has something they they are going to be doing, something that is occupying their mind.
Don't distrupt their course.
NYC has a lot of good looking people, get used to it.
But it's not a bar. Staring and gawking is not permitted. Unless it is a celebrity (and by celebrity I mean one that has talent, not that jerk from The Real World who has a 6-pack and a penchant for grabbing girls' asses).
Plus. Staring is kind of creepy.
...
If you break any of these rules you are being an asshole, and, in more creative terms, a happiness killer.
You shall have gotten under the skin of a complete stranger and will bug them for the next few minutes of their before-you-the-day-was-perfect mood (and if you pissed off a crazie - watch your back).
...
Stop and think before you do it.
It doesn't benefit you OR others.
So what good is it?
Staring, loud noises, and attitudes make for a lousy commute.
The world has enough issues as is.
I'm not saying that by following these rules you're going to bring world peace.
But.
You can bring peace to someone's world.
And in the spirit of giving thanks, who could turn that down?
...
Love always,
MaryEllen
Computer things that I hate.
-You do not have the latest adobe flash player plugin.
yes. i effing do.
-New JAVA update
omggg java go awaaayyy. you update every other DAY.
-You do not have proper administrative powers to download this.
this isn't AOLkids anymore please just let me download snood. please im so boredddd.
-MS Word Auto-formatting.
WTF are you doingg?!? did i ask you to do that? NO. so STOP it. its not funny.
just lemme do it by myself.
-Excel - i don't even know where to begin. i hate you so much but you are the bane of my existence day in and day out. its an abusive relationship.
-pandora.
it's okay if you can't think of the perfect next song to play - JUST PLAY SOMETHING. i hate awkward silence. and you are making right now sooo awkward.
-CTRL+ALT+DELETE.
when i click END NOW. i want w/e is not responding to END NOW. bc its pissing me off and it needs to go away.
-while we're on the topic of not responding...
whhhhyyyyyy does this happpeennnnn omggggg - and at THE WORST timess!
-Auto Recover.
you are awesome. for serious. you've saved many a paper for me when mr. not responding decides to throw me a curveball. howeverrrrrr - it would be nice if you saved most of it instead of half of it. its the ultimate let down.
-virtual memory too low.
?
okay. well i need to get back to work..but that venting sesh was greeeaaat.
Love always,
Kim
yes. i effing do.
-New JAVA update
omggg java go awaaayyy. you update every other DAY.
-You do not have proper administrative powers to download this.
this isn't AOLkids anymore please just let me download snood. please im so boredddd.
-MS Word Auto-formatting.
WTF are you doingg?!? did i ask you to do that? NO. so STOP it. its not funny.
just lemme do it by myself.
-Excel - i don't even know where to begin. i hate you so much but you are the bane of my existence day in and day out. its an abusive relationship.
-pandora.
it's okay if you can't think of the perfect next song to play - JUST PLAY SOMETHING. i hate awkward silence. and you are making right now sooo awkward.
-CTRL+ALT+DELETE.
when i click END NOW. i want w/e is not responding to END NOW. bc its pissing me off and it needs to go away.
-while we're on the topic of not responding...
whhhhyyyyyy does this happpeennnnn omggggg - and at THE WORST timess!
-Auto Recover.
you are awesome. for serious. you've saved many a paper for me when mr. not responding decides to throw me a curveball. howeverrrrrr - it would be nice if you saved most of it instead of half of it. its the ultimate let down.
-virtual memory too low.
?
okay. well i need to get back to work..but that venting sesh was greeeaaat.
Love always,
Kim
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Does anyone else think the AMAs can suck it?
So in all honesty, I just came back from seeing New Moon (insert judgment here) and came back to the apartment only to be told by Kim to turn on ABC and start watching the AMAs.
Anyone else a little bit nonplussed by this whole "big" show?
Number one.
Dear Lady Gaga,
WEAR SOME PANTS.
Love,
Me.
I understand that you don't like them.
But I've seen enough of your ass and your cooch in pictures and performances to last me a lifetime.
I feel like I know you.
In the biblical sense.
Number two.
Way to perform in a contained space with large open flames and smoke everywhere.
I completely thought a Houdini was going to happen and she was not going to make it out alive.
Also. I get the point. You like breaking bottles. And playing the piano with glass on it.
Number three.
J-Lo?
Huh?
The year 2000 called.
They want their talent back.
That can segway into number four, which is...Eminem.
Heyoh.
When did he make a large impact within the past few years?
Answer...besides his ginormous weight gain (and apparently loss) and failed comeback/new cd...not much.
Who hired him?
Also. This doesn't qualify as a number five because it doesn't have anything directly to do with the AMAs themselves...but...
Nutella commercials are a tad bit ridiculous and epic-ly false.
Hey! Mom on the TV!
Nutella does NOT make your kids eat healthy things and is not healthy in itself!!
You load on a sugar infused choco spread on toast.
AKA sugar, and carbs.
Two things that should not really be fed to kids.
Whatever happened to apples and peanut butter?
I've heard of false advertising before, but that's just stupid.
Back to the actual music part.
Number five.
Whitney Houston can also go back to the year 2000.
...
(fast foward to the point where I kind of started watching again after having stopped to play Bejeweled for a period of time)
Finally, number 6.
Did Taylor Swift really just win Artist of the Year?
Did I really just throw up all over my computer desk?
Answers...yes, and no.
Although I was close to it.
Her talent is nothing compared to those that she was up against.
She sings sappy little ditties about love that tweens just go CRAZY for and all of a sudden she's the most successful/talented artist of the YEAR?
False.
She also strikes me as creepy looking.
She has the most squinty eyes I've ever seen.
Squinty eyes that makes me not want to trust her squinty face and therefore squinty soul.
Also. People. I've loved KOL since I heard their song "Molly's Chambers" on a VW commercial in 2005.
They were completely underrated for years here in the US (kudos to the UK for picking up on them)
Why can't we capture more artists like that, and give them the credit they deserve?
...
I genuinely never turn to the television anymore to find new music, which makes me sad.
Even MTV should just be called SRSTV now (ShittyRealityShowsTV).
Besides playing "indie" and "unknown" artists on some of their shitty "reality" shows (reality is also a relative term here, because let's be honest...we know that they're all scripted) have you ever seen a program on MTV anymore that's dedicated to actual music?
Answer...no. It's all about crazy parents and slutty children and people in the world with no morals in general.
...
Henceforth...I guess the point of this blog is to say that I'm pretty upset by the musical world in general now a days.
But I have faith.
I also have blast making fun of it.
Love always,
MaryEllen
Anyone else a little bit nonplussed by this whole "big" show?
Number one.
Dear Lady Gaga,
WEAR SOME PANTS.
Love,
Me.
I understand that you don't like them.
But I've seen enough of your ass and your cooch in pictures and performances to last me a lifetime.
I feel like I know you.
In the biblical sense.
Number two.
Way to perform in a contained space with large open flames and smoke everywhere.
I completely thought a Houdini was going to happen and she was not going to make it out alive.
Also. I get the point. You like breaking bottles. And playing the piano with glass on it.
Number three.
J-Lo?
Huh?
The year 2000 called.
They want their talent back.
That can segway into number four, which is...Eminem.
Heyoh.
When did he make a large impact within the past few years?
Answer...besides his ginormous weight gain (and apparently loss) and failed comeback/new cd...not much.
Who hired him?
Also. This doesn't qualify as a number five because it doesn't have anything directly to do with the AMAs themselves...but...
Nutella commercials are a tad bit ridiculous and epic-ly false.
Hey! Mom on the TV!
Nutella does NOT make your kids eat healthy things and is not healthy in itself!!
You load on a sugar infused choco spread on toast.
AKA sugar, and carbs.
Two things that should not really be fed to kids.
Whatever happened to apples and peanut butter?
I've heard of false advertising before, but that's just stupid.
Back to the actual music part.
Number five.
Whitney Houston can also go back to the year 2000.
...
(fast foward to the point where I kind of started watching again after having stopped to play Bejeweled for a period of time)
Finally, number 6.
Did Taylor Swift really just win Artist of the Year?
Did I really just throw up all over my computer desk?
Answers...yes, and no.
Although I was close to it.
Her talent is nothing compared to those that she was up against.
She sings sappy little ditties about love that tweens just go CRAZY for and all of a sudden she's the most successful/talented artist of the YEAR?
False.
She also strikes me as creepy looking.
She has the most squinty eyes I've ever seen.
Squinty eyes that makes me not want to trust her squinty face and therefore squinty soul.
Also. People. I've loved KOL since I heard their song "Molly's Chambers" on a VW commercial in 2005.
They were completely underrated for years here in the US (kudos to the UK for picking up on them)
Why can't we capture more artists like that, and give them the credit they deserve?
...
I genuinely never turn to the television anymore to find new music, which makes me sad.
Even MTV should just be called SRSTV now (ShittyRealityShowsTV).
Besides playing "indie" and "unknown" artists on some of their shitty "reality" shows (reality is also a relative term here, because let's be honest...we know that they're all scripted) have you ever seen a program on MTV anymore that's dedicated to actual music?
Answer...no. It's all about crazy parents and slutty children and people in the world with no morals in general.
...
Henceforth...I guess the point of this blog is to say that I'm pretty upset by the musical world in general now a days.
But I have faith.
I also have blast making fun of it.
Love always,
MaryEllen
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