Subway Etiquette.

I'd like to teach you all the manners of how to ride the sometimes ruthlessly crowded NYC subways.
This idea came to me because there has been an unusually high amount of obnoxious assholes on the underground as of late.
Maybe it's the holidays?
Is everyone cranky because they have to spend every waking moment cooking, planning, and shopping?
Well, probably, but that still does not give you any right to deflate the happiness of the holiday season by being an jackass.
Life's too short for you to be squashing the good cheer of other individuals, minding their own business, just because you woke up late and missed the $100 off deal on the plasmas at Walmart.


1)Let people OUT before you barge IN.

I feel like this is a pretty standard rule no matter what type of public transportation you use.
(ie: would you enter a cab that pulled over, even when the customer is still inside and isn't finished paying yet?)

It's so funny how often common knowledge is not used.

In all honesty...what does this action get you in the end?
It gets you into an awkward face-to-face shoving match with the person that is trying to get out.
But the key thing here, people, is what it DOESN'T get you: to your destination any faster.
For real.
I would not lie to you.
You're right at the doors - you're not going to miss the train.
The train will travel at the same exact speed as it did BEFORE you got on.
Fact.

Visualize with me:
-The car's doors open.
-You stand to EITHER SIDE of the doors.
-Passengers will either make a move to exit or not.
-Once everyone has stepped out, you may step in.


**Also, important note: "Just because you are large doesn't mean that you can barge. Or are in charge."

2)Give up your seat to those in need.

Pretty simple to understand, folks.
I've seen too many young people with plenty of energy in their still-in-shape legs that remain sitting when either an elderly person or pregnant woman comes on.
Not to be cliche or anything, but when you're a bitch, karma is too.

3)I like to listen to my own music, not yours. Turn it down.

I can't say how irritating it is to have my own ipod at a decent volume and I can't even hear what's playing because the fool next to me has lost either their eardrums or their manners. In most cases, probably both.

Ask yourself this: does it really benefit you or anyone else to listen to something so loud in such a contained space?
Answer: not really.
Coming from someone who is in the music industry and goes to concerts like it's her job (oh, wait...) that's really saying something.
Sure, I enjoy loud music...when the time's right.
If one is at the apartment by themselves having a spontaneous dance party for example; or if one is willingly at a concert, and actually likes what is playing.
I didn't ask for, nor do I want to attend, the "Free Music! Playing from the next big thing, T.R.A. (That Random Asshole), on the 1 train, car 7!" special.

4)Above all - just be polite - and keep to yourself.

I don't know about you, but I would definitely consider the subways towards the very bottom of the list of places for "socializing."

It's the flowing river of humans going to and from places they want to/have to be.
Ipso facto: every person has something they they are going to be doing, something that is occupying their mind.

Don't distrupt their course.

NYC has a lot of good looking people, get used to it.
But it's not a bar. Staring and gawking is not permitted. Unless it is a celebrity (and by celebrity I mean one that has talent, not that jerk from The Real World who has a 6-pack and a penchant for grabbing girls' asses).

Plus. Staring is kind of creepy.

...

If you break any of these rules you are being an asshole, and, in more creative terms, a happiness killer.
You shall have gotten under the skin of a complete stranger and will bug them for the next few minutes of their before-you-the-day-was-perfect mood (and if you pissed off a crazie - watch your back).

...

Stop and think before you do it.
It doesn't benefit you OR others.
So what good is it?
Staring, loud noises, and attitudes make for a lousy commute.
The world has enough issues as is.
I'm not saying that by following these rules you're going to bring world peace.
But.
You can bring peace to someone's world.
And in the spirit of giving thanks, who could turn that down?

...

Love always,
MaryEllen