Cover Letters = B.S.

After applying to 28394729384 jobs, this is going to be my next cover letter bc let's face it...i give UP.

Kim [last name]
[my address]
NJ

December 3, 2009

SuperCoolGreat Marketing/Advertising Co.
111 W [number]th Street
New York, NY

Dear whoever is actually going to take the time to read this letter,

My name is Kim and I am DESPERATE for a job. I graduated in May, and I'm broke as joke. This job you have open sounds pretty EFFING sweet. Based on my killer resume, you can see that I'm probably not so qualified for this job - BUT - look at it this way: I really seriously truly want it SO MUCH more than anyone else that has applied - fo'realzzz. Let's be serious for a second here.. I'll do anything just for a simple entry-level salary (with basic benefits please). I don't need vacation. I don't need flex-spending. I don't need stock options. I don't need on-site daycare or even my own desk/cubicle. Just give me a spot on the floor with a pen, paper, telephone, whatever. I'll bring you coffee, I'll clean the bathroom, I'll pick up the entire department's lunches (ok maybe only like once or twice).

Honestly, If you just give me this job - I will be SO ridiculously amped - so incredibly, inexhaustibly excited - that I will be more productive than a college kid hopped up on adderol, coke(the drug), and DD iced coffees while finishing a term paper the hour before it's due. I swear. Not only that, but you can bet your ass I'm better than your boss's sister-in-law's cousin who is ugly, weird, and just graduated from some no-name college and is looking for that special connection in the family to hook them up with a job. I actually WANT this.

So before you chuck this in the cylindrical file(trash) under your desk(at least recycle) please please please please please please just consider me. Bring me in for an interview. Oh and please, no phone interviews. They are easily some of the most awkward, anxiety ridden, sweat inducing, awkward(emphasis on the awkward) experiences of my life. FACT: I'm a lot more interesting/hott/smart/amazing/entertaining/awesome in person than on paper..or over the phone.

So what are you waiting for? You need a person to fill the position. I need to put some money in the bank (living with the 'rents can only last so long before I turn clinically insane). This is quite obviously a win-win situation. So when can I start?

Looking forward to a bright and sun-shiny future with you and the company.


Much love,
Kim

Here's my digits: xxx-xxxx. Let's haaang out!